Wednesday, January 9, 2013
The Agony of Defeat
Total depression. One and a half miles outdoors -- and I had to stop and walk after a mile until I'd caught my breath. Of course the route is hilly, and it was below freezing, making it hard to breathe. But I must face facts. Barring a miracle, there is no way I can add enough distance in the next year to run a marathon. Two years, maybe. But do I really want to train that long?
The thing is, I feel dreadful while running. Seriously awful. This isn't the usual exercise fatigue. I have leaden legs, burning lungs, and absolutely no energy -- right from the start of the run. Within yards I'm heaving for air and ready to stop. I remember feeling reluctance back in my running days, the usual "do I really want to do this" doubts, along with the effort it took to get moving. And there was always fatigue at the end of a run. But it was a good sort of tiredness, the kind that comes after exertion.
This is different. It makes me think there is something seriously wrong with me. It's scary, truthfully. But I just had a physical. Aside from my hammer toes, everything is fine.
Anyhow, I will continue to plod along, but I am totally disheartened. I don't know what to do...