The Agony of Defeat

Total depression. One and a half miles outdoors -- and I had to stop and walk after a mile until I'd caught my breath.  Of course the route is hilly, and it was below freezing, making it hard to breathe.  But I must face facts.  Barring a miracle, there is no way I can add enough distance in the next year to run a marathon.  Two years, maybe.  But do I really want to train that long?

The thing is, I feel dreadful while running.  Seriously awful.  This isn't the usual exercise fatigue.  I have leaden legs, burning lungs, and absolutely no energy -- right from the start of the run. Within yards I'm heaving for air and ready to stop.  I remember feeling reluctance back in my running days, the usual "do I really want to do this" doubts, along with the effort it took to get moving.  And there was always fatigue at the end of a run.  But it was a good sort of tiredness, the kind that comes after exertion. 

This is different.  It makes me think there is something seriously wrong with me. It's scary, truthfully.  But I just had a physical.  Aside from my hammer toes, everything is fine.

Anyhow, I will continue to plod along, but I am totally disheartened.  I don't know what to do...